Doggie gets a T-shirt

Baby outfitted his darling Pique in a doggie shirt from American Apparel this weekend, replete with white stretch-cotton and a green collar.

"I think he looks smart, organized, and a little daring," observed Baby as he gazed upon his T-shirted Yorkie. "Finally we can invite him to sit on the couch like civilized people."

Since receiving the T-shirt Pique has adopted more human-like behaviors, such as leaping two feet in the air when a rubber ball is held before him.

Baby Regards a Kasbah

Our hero regards the view of his favorite Kasbah in the Ourzazate region of Morocco. Getting an even tan, he surveyed the growing pomegranate plants and nearby orange trees in restful peace.

In reverie like this, Baby becomes capable of the most profound thinking: "I need laser re-surfacing treatments, I need an angle-length jellabah robe (with hood), I need a Moroccan rug, and I need hair pills for combination dry/oily hair."

Now back from Morocco, Baby is looking for available Kasbahs (mud-built homes) to create his own B&B, called Baby's Hollywood Tragedy Paradise.

A Little Gentleman Arives

Baby introduced his most precious "find" to date - his new Yorkshire Terrier, Pique (pronouonced PICK-wee). Pique has been a mildly curious furball since joing our apartment in Hell's Kitchen. He prefers to build forts with old gym clothes in the corner, then emerges to see what his new daddies are up to.

His latest game has been to steal puzzles pieces in his mouth and squirrel them away in his clothes-heap bed. When petting the little man, puzzle pieces can be seen resting below his belly for purposes unknown to his owners. Perhaps he plans to do his own puzzle?

The fellow also received his first bath (see pic). Being mellow and somewhat detached from the happenings in his new home, he went through the motions politely, with little to say. He is now a clean teen, in a state that shouldnt last long given his proclivity for dirty laundry.

Another strange habit of the new fellow is to chew on electrical chords.

While he's been given plenty of chew toys to abate his teething process, he much prefers the feeling of an electric curent running through his chewing object. His daddies find it to be some cause for concern but get easily distracted by the young man's adorable, patient eyes.

Baby's Tall Tale

The tall, provincial night table reaches Herman's elbow. A true find at Pottery Barn, Baby knew that the "Charlotte Bedside Table" was the perfect companion for his boyfriend's reading and writing activities.

In bed, Herman will write in his journal and and read the letters of Jane Austen. "He has grown up to a big-boy table, now that he's 30," he said. "Notice the fresh roses on the blue doily."

Never estimate the well-chosen placement of a doily. It can make the scene - or destroy it forever.

"The fresh roeses were placed on the surface to provide inspiration for his night-time reflections," he said, pulling the wodden drawer to display ample storage space. It's the perfect arrangement for Herms to contemplate Babies playing with new Yorkshire Terriers."

Baby Warns of Siouxsie

"Her show was great, don't get me wrong." he said. "She kicked her legs higher than a kickboxer class at my gym. But sadly, she refused to meet me. I want to tell her how much her songs mean to me, and she's too afraid of meeting her 2-8 fans waiting in line. She should be so lucky to have anyone waiting in line. She better play "Heaven And Alchmemy" the next night, or she's off my wedding list. Siouxsie has one last chance to prove she has class. Siouxsie really needs to take a stronger look at her base and realize we appreciate her art and we're not here to hurt her. I don't know why she's so frightened of her own fans." Tomorrow, Baby plan to meet Siouxsie head-on as she enters the venue to begin practice. More soon.

Baby waited for 50 minutes in the cold to meet Siouxsie Sioux. All he wanted was to get an autograph of his concert ticket and tell her that his wedding song would be her majestic "Heavean and Alchemy." - which she did not play.

Siouxsie snubbed Baby and the other 6 fans waiting with CD covers to sign. It was all a very innocent scene, but Sioux decided to leave another door and not say good bye to the tiny, likeable crowd that only wished her well. Instead she ducked into a black minivan, like a terrorist. It was not a scene be-fitting a lady and it showed a remarkable lack of graciousness or class. Baby is now down on Siouxsie.

Quilting for Burgers

Baby finished a beautiful hand-sewn quilt for his loving Mother, who in turn agreed to supply him with a steady bankroll of cheeseburgers.*

Striking a heartfelt, emotional chord, he weaved a patchwork of triangular, inter-locking pieces taken from his mother's junior prom dress. Bordering the gown pieces, he lined blocks of nostalgic dish towels that his mother used as a child (growing up in central Utah).

These squares feature images of produce on the left flank. The right flank is comprised by a vertically-stacked column of playful, hand-stitched kittens engaging in various activities (e.g., fishing, washing pants, relaxing in an armchair). Each of these towels is preserved in their original state with the day of the towel's intended use printed in graceful cursive lettering. (The kitten on the chair towel, fitfully, was designed as a Sunday towel).

Baby will continue to sew quilts in support of the energy future of America and may take up White House (P)resident George W. Bush's call for "armies of compassion" as elicited in the 2008 State of the Union address. "An Army of quilters would be fierce and disciplined," he said solemnly. "You don't mess with a man and his needle."

*Creative license was taken - no burgers actually exchanged hands.

Baby Flips Out

He doesn't have plans to bring back the Baby-fro, but our hero will refrain from haircuts for an non-specified amount of time.

"Watch for curls, and maybe even a perm," he advised, before furrowing his brow and becoming pensive. "Well, probably not a perm. But curls will happen."

How to Calm a Baby

Contrary to this helpful illustration, our Baby responds well to both methods of calming.

Baby's Pee-Wee Herman Shoes

Baby models his new white shoes. Thoughts?

Baby Casts Vote on "Supermodel"

The first episode of Bravo's Make me a Supermodel is over and Baby's verdicts are in:

Dominic's surfer chic won't carry him far in the modeling world. Of all people he should be more relaxed but he's so stiff and boring. When he complained about the weight of his necklace during the first shoot, Baby had no sympathy. "Suck it up, this is modeling," he said, referring to his own experience in the profession (see Sally Hirschberger post below).

"Sarah should scoot off the show on her own long torso," he said.


Beyond the models, Baby wonders if any viewers are finding Tyson Beckford's teasing, tough-guy approach to be boring, expected and distracting from the beauty of the show. For inspiration, Baby has included a shot of how a model should look, right.


In close, Baby is left wondering what really happened to Perry's foot. A drunken fall?

Baby's $900 Haircut

Baby got a free haircut from celebrity stylist Sally Hershberger. Worth $900, the haircut has made Baby a star in the Hell's Kitty ecosystem. "I was so excited to get a free haircut from Sally, I took a tampon from the restroom as a keepsake!" he said. He now flips his hair and turns to the side, instantly, when he senses a camera in his presence.

Jalapeno Baby

Baby took a gamble and painted his kitchen "jalapeno pepper" (Benjamin Moore) this weekend. His partner, Herman, was doubtful of the compatibility between the apartment's Louis XVI theme and the new Chipotle hues, but in the end the provincial Russu-Itiliano china positively popped against the rich, warm color. Baby stands triumphant with his color selection (above) and is now looking for taupes to finish his family room. Stay tuned for more expressions of his interior flair.

German Air Purifier

Baby placed an important call today in the name of clean breathing air and hydrated skin. "We are the proud new owners of the Venta Air washer," he exclaimed after making the call. "It’s the top European air washer - made in Germany*, so you know it will last."

The charcoal grey appliance comes with fragrance packets that add scent to the clean air. Baby was also attracted by the 10-year warranty: "The Venta will allow us to breath better and have proper humidity levels all year round."

**The purifier's country of origin does not indicate that the appliance will treat Baby's German boyfriend, however, whom Baby often claims to be full of hot air.

Brunch Baby

Baby and visiting gal-pal Suzie enjoyed a brunch of Moroccan omlettes and strawberry waffles at Marseille in Hell's Kitchen. Attempting to order en Francais, Baby snapped his fingers, barked "Garcon!" and slowly repeated the only other French word he knew, "existentialism." Bewildered, the waiter asked him to clarify. Rather than revert to English, Baby switched to the universal language of mime. In deference to the late Marcel Marceau, he acted out the breakfast order with astonishing dynamism - including a silent re-enactment of a chicken laying an egg.

Baby Finds a Stand-in Boyfriend

Frustrated with lack of attention from his current boyfriend, Baby built a look-alike companion replete with blonde hair and preference for pizza (much like his real-life boyfriend).

Grabbing a wig from the closet, he stretched the haipiece over a memory-foam knee pillow which supposedly resembled his boyfriend's face. After cuddling with the new boyfriend in the morning, he served lunch and promised to bring him to The Strand bookstore to sell a collection of old books.

Baby Loves New England

Baby took his first trip to New England this week, visiting the charming harbor town of Portsmouth, New Hampshire. He liked the market square, the draw bridge and the town's natural goods shop, where he sampled too much Vitamin C and informed the owner (with pal Andrea) that the natural licorice tasted awful. He also liked driving a rental car - a Chevy Aveo that he nicknamed the Chevy Areola - but didn't like the traffic on the Massachusetts Turnpike.

"They should call it 'Passachusetts'," he said. "All you should do it pass through it."

Baby Dreams of Simpsons

Baby had a remarkable dream this morning about visiting the upstairs floor of the home featured in "The Simpsons."

He explained his cartoon journey in a excited, rushed tones upon first awakening.

"I got to explore the seldom-seen upstairs rooms of the Simpson house. It was a special tour just for me - cartoon people are really considerate. You don't usually get to see those rooms on the show."

Baby vowed to re-visit the Simpson home tonight.

South Jersey Baby

Summer has arrived -- and Baby sends wishes for a happy season supported by responsible skin care. "It's time to relax with your friends and family," advised Baby. "But don't forget to protect your supple, glowing skin. Carry 45-spf lotion at all times. And as a responsible sandle-wearer, you should certainly be getting bi-weekly pedicures. Put your best foot forward."

Tartan Baby

Proving that men look great in kilts, Baby took a stroll in his newest accessory, purchased expressly for the Tartan Day celebration of Scottish culture. Baby was pleased to observe numerous whisky specials and boisterous crowds of would-be Scots throughout the afternoon.

"It was fun to get a break from pants," he said. "But I'll think twice before wearing a kilt without underwear on the West Side Highway overpass."