Herman

My life with Baby

Monday, November 21, 2005

Bumble and Bumble

Baby's pal Clare took him for an $80 hair wash at the esteemed Bumble & Bumble salon this weekend. Sporting a slicked-back, blonde Italian 'do when he came home, he managed to keep the hair style set for two whole days thereafter. He's now looking into an elevated head rest to support his neck while he sleeps, which keeps his hair from touching the mattress and tussling his finely placed hairs.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Business Baby

Joseph's new online business, Baby Enterprises, Inc., was launched quietly last month as the weather turned to a cooler, more suitable temperature for indoor computer work. The online start-up has quickly emerged as a multi-dollar success, yielding high profit margins with little to no overhead. Recent sales have included several Lladros, a penguin-shaped martini shaker, and a hannukah decorative plate.

"I'm making tens of dollars!" Baby exclaimed, while sipping a saspirilla on a Chelsea avenue.

Not all sales, however, have been so easy. "I should have never accepted a final bid of $2.99 for that German beer stein," he lamented. "That's the last time I go on Ebay after taking Ambien."

Friday, November 11, 2005

Back in the Game

After a long night of rest, Baby stretched his arms and wiggled his toes to greet a new day. As he dressed for work, he opted for a more collegiate look to express his bookish side. His serious attitude befitted the vest, with the exception of his comment that NPR's Nina Totenberg's actual name is Nina "Tokenberg." The mere thought of an NPR reporter smoking a fat "J" before reading the news sent him into brief bursts of hysterics and a short, improvised victory dance.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Baby Nap


Baby took a nap today after a trying morning at work. "I only hope I can be fabulous and bubbly for my public later this evening," he said. After an afternoon of gentle rest, Baby emerged with energy and good cheer.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Cruelty to Cats?

Baby was on a cruel streak this morning, when he told his friend Clare to beat her cat, pull her tail and scream in her ears to teach her a lesson. Confiding in a friend later, he added, "Then I am going to turn her in for harming an animal, and I will get Lucy." Lucy is the name Baby has given to Clare's cat, whose real name is Markie (after Markie Post, of "Night Court" fame).

Thursday, November 03, 2005


Baby in Furs

It's official. Winter is near, and Joseph has broken out the furs. Also in circulation are his cashmere sweaters and thick, hip-fitting pants. Expect winter hair and a new worldview philosphy, coming soon...