Herman

My life with Baby

Friday, November 17, 2006

A Time for Gummies

After coming in to some new cash flow this week, Baby made immediate plans to fill up on his favorite delicacy: chocolate-covered gummy bears.

"I will fill up a huge bag and the man will be like 'hey you ain't got no money'," Baby said. "Then I will fan a $10 bill in his face and be like 'What do you call this?'"

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Election Baby

Despite feeling disenfranchised about being denied simple human rights in the United States - marriage, adoption, a reasonable retirement age, stardom - Baby cast his ballot today in the mid-term elections.

Our young hero was not alone in the voting booth, however.

Behind the felt curtain, Baby was quietly peeling the wrapper off a purloined Twinkie. His third Twinkie of the day, the spongey cake was devoured quietly in the sanctity of the ballot booth - only the sound of a moving lever could be heard.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Baby Finds Pink Candy


Baby proudly stands before a sculpture of gleaming pink rocks at the Bronx Botanical Gardens. Likening the irregular blocks to "pop rocks" candy, Baby found an artwork that served to sweeten his dreams of being a global pop star with his own line of merchandise.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Baby Lion

During a visit to a children's playground last month, Baby found himself drawn to a standing wood cut-out of a golden lion. With similar cut outs of a tin man and scarecrow in proximity, the children were to believe that their playground had been transformed to the magical land of Oz. That is, until Joseph hoisted himself behind the animal and peered at the children from the circular facial frame.
"I'm going to eat you little midgets," he said. "Give me your snack pies or face my wrath." The children dutifuly handed over their packaged pies and the Baby Lion Massacre was averted.