Herman

My life with Baby

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Baby Talks to Women's Wear Daily

Baby fired off an email to his favorite trade publication today, Women's Wear Daily, after reading an article about a bogus beauty products company. How can they print articles about such drivel?
In what will likely be a one-sided conversation, Baby continued.
"In addition to the fact that you are writing articles about bogus beauty products, I want to start an empire like Liz Claiborne," he said. "But can people do it now? In these modern times, no one can create a business and make it big because all the big ones are there to gobble you up. And if you don't sell, they run you out of business!"
Moving squarely beyond his original reason for contacting the publication, Baby continued to discuss his plans for empire.
"I need to start an empire or else I will never be happy," he lamented.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Side Money

Baby called a good friend today to ask advice on getting a second job. He wanted to work in a Soho bar as a host, where he would greet guests four nights a week. He calculated the earnigns and realized that he could make almost $900/week just saying "hi" to people.

He went on to say that he'd save the money to buy two-year government bonds every time he reached $1,000, then get a home in five years so he could "put around in the yard and plant things."

When the friend said the job might take too much of his personal time, Baby replied "That's okay. I've already moved on to other ideas now. You know me."

If you have any ideas for Baby's money-making capers, please post your suggestions.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Project Runway


Baby tried out for the Bravo series "Project Runway" this weekend. In just one day, he created a classic pink dress with a 1950's cut, designed to fit his gal pal Clare. He also re-vamped his fashion portfolio to reflect his changing tastes since first compiling it in design school.

The judges loved his style, particularly his crisp army coat with fox stole. Unfortunately, his "look" didn't fit the parameters of next season's show. Still, Baby says the energy of designing and meeting deadlines reminded him of his student days in Los Angeles. "It's so easy to forget what's important to us," Baby said after the audition. "Even when you've got a day job, you shouldn't let your true talent and creative drive go wasted."

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Baby Endorses New Products


Baby's buzz marketing scheme continues...
This week Baby received a box of sample-size Nutella pouches that he is supposed to hand out to friends and family with one dollar coupons to buy the product. In exchange, the recipient listens to him talk about how Nutella was invented after WWII by an Italian chef. Running low on chocolate, the chef added hazelnuts to his cocoa, stirred it up and voila! Nutella.
"Beyond the fascinating history," Baby advised, "is the low calorie content of this delicious product. Spreading Nutella on a bagel instead of cream cheese will be sure to save fat intake and leave you smiling."
In return for his buzz marketing efforts, Baby received a jar of the spread for personal use. His fingers are still crossed to receive marketing products for Botox, so he can throw a lavish party with alcohol and injectable beauty treatments.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Excuse Me, There's a Queue

Baby lost his cool last weekend during a routine trip to the neighborhood alcohol store. Holding his 40 ounce bottle of Ketel One vodka in his leather-gloved fingers, he prepared to place the purchase and form of payment on the check-out counter when another shopper cut in line, asking the clerk for a box of Blush wine.

Offended by the rude gesture--and the cheap wine--Baby told the fellow to move back in line. When the man apologized, Baby lectured the bewildered brute about the proper actions for a penitent cutter. When the man still didn't take his place in line, Baby held his tongue and focused on his vodka bottle.

Calming his inner tiger, our hero was poised and collected throughout the remaining purchase experience until he left the shop and arrived at the street corner, where he spotted the offender waiting for the crossing light to change.

"Oh! You just had to rush out of the store, didn't you?" he demanded. "You couldn't wait in line like the rest of us! Well look how far it got you now, jerk!"

And with that, all of the self control Baby had mustered was released into the cold, bitter New York night.