Herman

My life with Baby

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Baby Ponders Halloween

As October 31 approaches, Baby is contemplating a costume for the first time in his career as a New Yorker.

While last year's dress-up involved a paltry application of glitter to the eyelids, he is considering the oft-forgotten banana for 2005. One of his favorite peel-able fruits, the banana boasts a form factor that compliments his lithe build.

Should he be the banana? Or should he consider his options--a tree, a celery stalk; perhaps a simmering kilbasa?

Note: Costume does not come with smoothie coupon girl from the Flatiron district.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Don't Mess with Baby

Contrary to popular belief, Joseph has quite an agressive streak. Walking home from the grocery store one recent evening, our hero with blonde streaks was accosted by a hungry homeless man. The guy violently pulled Joseph's arm and reached for his groceries, while Joseph protested that the man didn't want what Joseph had for him.

Fatefully, the assailant would not release Joseph's arm. Furious, our hero swung his Italian designer bag into the man's face three times in short, chopping motions (he learned the move on "King of the Hill"). The man curled on the ground in a fetal position, at which point Joseph delivered a swift kick to the gut before moving on with his evening. Lesson learned?

Friday, September 09, 2005

Baby and the City



Baby met Sarah Jessica Parker of "Sex and the City" today. He bought her new perfume and asked her to sign the bottle with a Sharpie pen. She complied. He told her that he'd taken a long lunch break from his job to meet her. She told him to get some food.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Wigstock Baby


Joseph's new drag queen friend pulled him off the street for this photo. She had been yelling at a homeless man, and Joseph joined in just to raise a ruckus. Just before his friend Clare snapped the photo, he yelled, "Don't get too close to that drunk homeless guy!" That poor man.

On a sidenote, meeting the drag queen gave Joseph further proof that he needs to become one. But then again, everyday there is "the new me." Just last week, the new him was a midnight dumpster diver at the supermarket (to save money on produce).

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Baby on Bush: Go back to Crawford

Baby delivered a harsh condemnation of President Bush this morning. "The hurricane flooding must be hard on the President," he noted. "He had no idea that New Orleans was part of the U.S." According to Baby, Bush was quoted as remarking that "All this sh*t had to happen and destroy my vacation."

Does the fact that Bush has taken more vacation days than any other President make him any more deserving of such cruel mockery?