A Home in San Francisco

Baby settles a new home in Ashbury Heights, San Francisco. Stay tuned to see what Baby does with all the newfound space gained from his Manhattan apartment.

Moonstruck Eggs

After a restful 12 hour sleep, Baby woke up at 2pm on Saturday to make his famous "Moonstruck Eggs" (popularized by the great Cher movie from 1987).

Shunning the pancakes that were already prepared and kept warm in Tupperware, Baby dove into his yokey delight with gusto.

After he ate, his dishes were miraculously cleared and cleaned for him, and he settled into the New York Times Real Estate section.

Baby gets wet in San Francisco

Baby enjoyed the mists of San Francisco at the Golden Gate Park. "My skin agrees with this climate," he said. "I look forward to seeing my youthful dew in my new home."

Baby also posed in the tea room of the Queen Anne Hotel, which is purported to be a haunted locale of the city. "I think a ghost is a very nice thing to have in your new home. As long as he doesn't re-arrange my carefully folded laundry, I'm pleased with the mystic arrangement."

Baby looks forward to the fashionable scrarves and sweaters he can sport in his new home, but regrets that the hills in the Buena Vista Heights will prove difficult for his Yves Saint Laurent "Johnny Boots."

Of Mice and Bags

Posing with the public art in the 14th Street subway station, Baby amused himself while waiting for the lazy A train.

"When I descend the staircase into this stuffy subway station, it's a good thing to peer underneath and see a metal mouse eating out-sized pennies," said Baby. "I enjoy the mouse - his name is Rodgey, from Poughkeepsie -despite his cheap metal coat and ill-fitting hat. I also enjoy eating money, and by 'eating' I mean spending exorbitant figures on multiple designer handbags, each of which resembles the next."

(His latest bag, the Louis Vuitton Beaubourg, is adorned with a Henri Bendel charm and pictured at right.)

Meanwhile, Pique ("PICK-wee", pictured below, left) waited patiently at home in an entirely different bag, growing jealous over the thought of his Daddy making friends with other small animals.

As the A train approached the muggy platform, our hero stepped through the doors and watched the mouse grow smaller as the car whisked him back to Hell's Kitchen. "Goodbye, Rodgey. I barely knew thee."

Baby Engagement

Baby exchanged engagement rings with Herman today. He is happy with his Cartier Love Collection ring.

Farmer Baby

Against the counsel provided by Herman, Baby purchased a blue plaid shirt from Gerry's on Eighth Avenue this weekend. Sporting the new article before work Monday morning, Herman conceded that he may have been wrong. The shirt wasn't half-bad.

Pique had no objections to the shirt, and seemed to appreciate the status of "farm doggie" that it extended him.

Baby Has a Picnic

After trolling the Macy's home department for three weeks in search of the sold-out Martha Stewart picnic basket, Baby finally procured his box and brought Pique to a park luncheon.

Sitting in a "no-dog" zone of Pier 84 in the Hudson River Park, Baby unpacked fried chicken and a mound of mashed potatoes from Church's Chicken, a fried food emporium located between two Eighth Avenue strip clubs. Pique sipped water from wine glasses and lept across the grass as if his paws were on fire.

After a languid sun-bath and reading of "Audition: A Memoir," by Barbara Walters, Baby learned that a Hudson River Park ranger was approaching his picnic spread, intent on issuing a $50 ticket for violating the anti-canine rule. Packing his basket and clutching the pup close to his chest, Baby fled the grassy knoll to a distant sidewalk, successfully avoiding the citation.

"I abhor doggy-doo in my grass as much as the next gentleman," remarked Baby, as he sipped a "Giggle-tini"* on his Jennifer Convertible. "But Pique is a potty-trained young man who restricts his natural tendencies to Wee-Wee Pads. The park ranger was clearly on a witch-hunt."


*Giggle-tini is a cocktail invented by Baby. It consists of ice cubes, Fresca, and chilled, expensive vodka.

Doggie gets a T-shirt

Baby outfitted his darling Pique in a doggie shirt from American Apparel this weekend, replete with white stretch-cotton and a green collar.

"I think he looks smart, organized, and a little daring," observed Baby as he gazed upon his T-shirted Yorkie. "Finally we can invite him to sit on the couch like civilized people."

Since receiving the T-shirt Pique has adopted more human-like behaviors, such as leaping two feet in the air when a rubber ball is held before him.

Baby Regards a Kasbah

Our hero regards the view of his favorite Kasbah in the Ourzazate region of Morocco. Getting an even tan, he surveyed the growing pomegranate plants and nearby orange trees in restful peace.

In reverie like this, Baby becomes capable of the most profound thinking: "I need laser re-surfacing treatments, I need an angle-length jellabah robe (with hood), I need a Moroccan rug, and I need hair pills for combination dry/oily hair."

Now back from Morocco, Baby is looking for available Kasbahs (mud-built homes) to create his own B&B, called Baby's Hollywood Tragedy Paradise.

A Little Gentleman Arives

Baby introduced his most precious "find" to date - his new Yorkshire Terrier, Pique (pronouonced PICK-wee). Pique has been a mildly curious furball since joing our apartment in Hell's Kitchen. He prefers to build forts with old gym clothes in the corner, then emerges to see what his new daddies are up to.

His latest game has been to steal puzzles pieces in his mouth and squirrel them away in his clothes-heap bed. When petting the little man, puzzle pieces can be seen resting below his belly for purposes unknown to his owners. Perhaps he plans to do his own puzzle?

The fellow also received his first bath (see pic). Being mellow and somewhat detached from the happenings in his new home, he went through the motions politely, with little to say. He is now a clean teen, in a state that shouldnt last long given his proclivity for dirty laundry.

Another strange habit of the new fellow is to chew on electrical chords.

While he's been given plenty of chew toys to abate his teething process, he much prefers the feeling of an electric curent running through his chewing object. His daddies find it to be some cause for concern but get easily distracted by the young man's adorable, patient eyes.

Baby's Tall Tale

The tall, provincial night table reaches Herman's elbow. A true find at Pottery Barn, Baby knew that the "Charlotte Bedside Table" was the perfect companion for his boyfriend's reading and writing activities.

In bed, Herman will write in his journal and and read the letters of Jane Austen. "He has grown up to a big-boy table, now that he's 30," he said. "Notice the fresh roses on the blue doily."

Never estimate the well-chosen placement of a doily. It can make the scene - or destroy it forever.

"The fresh roeses were placed on the surface to provide inspiration for his night-time reflections," he said, pulling the wodden drawer to display ample storage space. It's the perfect arrangement for Herms to contemplate Babies playing with new Yorkshire Terriers."

Baby Warns of Siouxsie

"Her show was great, don't get me wrong." he said. "She kicked her legs higher than a kickboxer class at my gym. But sadly, she refused to meet me. I want to tell her how much her songs mean to me, and she's too afraid of meeting her 2-8 fans waiting in line. She should be so lucky to have anyone waiting in line. She better play "Heaven And Alchmemy" the next night, or she's off my wedding list. Siouxsie has one last chance to prove she has class. Siouxsie really needs to take a stronger look at her base and realize we appreciate her art and we're not here to hurt her. I don't know why she's so frightened of her own fans." Tomorrow, Baby plan to meet Siouxsie head-on as she enters the venue to begin practice. More soon.

Baby waited for 50 minutes in the cold to meet Siouxsie Sioux. All he wanted was to get an autograph of his concert ticket and tell her that his wedding song would be her majestic "Heavean and Alchemy." - which she did not play.

Siouxsie snubbed Baby and the other 6 fans waiting with CD covers to sign. It was all a very innocent scene, but Sioux decided to leave another door and not say good bye to the tiny, likeable crowd that only wished her well. Instead she ducked into a black minivan, like a terrorist. It was not a scene be-fitting a lady and it showed a remarkable lack of graciousness or class. Baby is now down on Siouxsie.

Quilting for Burgers

Baby finished a beautiful hand-sewn quilt for his loving Mother, who in turn agreed to supply him with a steady bankroll of cheeseburgers.*

Striking a heartfelt, emotional chord, he weaved a patchwork of triangular, inter-locking pieces taken from his mother's junior prom dress. Bordering the gown pieces, he lined blocks of nostalgic dish towels that his mother used as a child (growing up in central Utah).

These squares feature images of produce on the left flank. The right flank is comprised by a vertically-stacked column of playful, hand-stitched kittens engaging in various activities (e.g., fishing, washing pants, relaxing in an armchair). Each of these towels is preserved in their original state with the day of the towel's intended use printed in graceful cursive lettering. (The kitten on the chair towel, fitfully, was designed as a Sunday towel).

Baby will continue to sew quilts in support of the energy future of America and may take up White House (P)resident George W. Bush's call for "armies of compassion" as elicited in the 2008 State of the Union address. "An Army of quilters would be fierce and disciplined," he said solemnly. "You don't mess with a man and his needle."

*Creative license was taken - no burgers actually exchanged hands.

Baby Flips Out

He doesn't have plans to bring back the Baby-fro, but our hero will refrain from haircuts for an non-specified amount of time.

"Watch for curls, and maybe even a perm," he advised, before furrowing his brow and becoming pensive. "Well, probably not a perm. But curls will happen."

How to Calm a Baby

Contrary to this helpful illustration, our Baby responds well to both methods of calming.

Baby's Pee-Wee Herman Shoes

Baby models his new white shoes. Thoughts?

Baby Casts Vote on "Supermodel"

The first episode of Bravo's Make me a Supermodel is over and Baby's verdicts are in:

Dominic's surfer chic won't carry him far in the modeling world. Of all people he should be more relaxed but he's so stiff and boring. When he complained about the weight of his necklace during the first shoot, Baby had no sympathy. "Suck it up, this is modeling," he said, referring to his own experience in the profession (see Sally Hirschberger post below).

"Sarah should scoot off the show on her own long torso," he said.


Beyond the models, Baby wonders if any viewers are finding Tyson Beckford's teasing, tough-guy approach to be boring, expected and distracting from the beauty of the show. For inspiration, Baby has included a shot of how a model should look, right.


In close, Baby is left wondering what really happened to Perry's foot. A drunken fall?