My life with Baby

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Baby Has a Picnic

After trolling the Macy's home department for three weeks in search of the sold-out Martha Stewart picnic basket, Baby finally procured his box and brought Pique to a park luncheon.

Sitting in a "no-dog" zone of Pier 84 in the Hudson River Park, Baby unpacked fried chicken and a mound of mashed potatoes from Church's Chicken, a fried food emporium located between two Eighth Avenue strip clubs. Pique sipped water from wine glasses and lept across the grass as if his paws were on fire.

After a languid sun-bath and reading of "Audition: A Memoir," by Barbara Walters, Baby learned that a Hudson River Park ranger was approaching his picnic spread, intent on issuing a $50 ticket for violating the anti-canine rule. Packing his basket and clutching the pup close to his chest, Baby fled the grassy knoll to a distant sidewalk, successfully avoiding the citation.

"I abhor doggy-doo in my grass as much as the next gentleman," remarked Baby, as he sipped a "Giggle-tini"* on his Jennifer Convertible. "But Pique is a potty-trained young man who restricts his natural tendencies to Wee-Wee Pads. The park ranger was clearly on a witch-hunt."

*Giggle-tini is a cocktail invented by Baby. It consists of ice cubes, Fresca, and chilled, expensive vodka.

Doggie gets a T-shirt

Baby outfitted his darling Pique in a doggie shirt from American Apparel this weekend, replete with white stretch-cotton and a green collar.

"I think he looks smart, organized, and a little daring," observed Baby as he gazed upon his T-shirted Yorkie. "Finally we can invite him to sit on the couch like civilized people."

Since receiving the T-shirt Pique has adopted more human-like behaviors, such as leaping two feet in the air when a rubber ball is held before him.