Baby Stages Fake Job to Reap Gifts

In the ultimate ruse, Baby pretended to get a new job* in order to receive modest gifts and encouraging calls from friends. Thus far the scammer has enjoyed four congratulatory calls, a balloon/flower combination (right), and a delicious Edible Arrangement (left). He stored both gifts in private locations where others could not impede his gift enjoyment process.

Beware of the Baby scam; he has several "milestones" approaching - his cameo in "Burlesque" with Cher and Christina Aguilera; a birthday that suddenly occurs in October; Pique's Bar Mitzfah; and the publishing of a so-called patent to create mailboxes from homeless people.

*New job was later verified as an actual position with Louis Vuitton, but the general warning above still stands.

Tragically Deluded

After shaving his head this week, Baby found a blonde wig that makes him feel handsome (pictured, left, with Pique and Hermes scarf).

The reason for the head-shaving is still unclear. Baby has alluded to the symbolism of new beginnings, and having fresh hair for his June wedding. Still, the wig provides comfort and warmth as he packs for a trip to NYC this week.

"I daresay this shall be my airplane wig," Baby said to Pique.

Joseph Approves of Park Cermony

Joseph gave his blessing to the Buena Vista Park dedication ceremony, held during a rainy morning in San Francisco.

(pictured right: Joseph with City Supervisor Bevan Dufty)

"As a pillar of the community, I prounounce this dedication to be a new day for the Buena Vista neighborhood," he said. "New trails and erosion controls make the park a joy for walking and contemplation. Though I never donated time or money , I am fully prepared to enjoy the benefits."

(Pictured above left: Joseph with City Treasurer José Cisneros, an appointee of neighborhood resident and Mayor Gavin Newsom)

Joseph was mildly pleased with the resin trails and newly improved eastern staircase, which provides an inviting entrance to a previously unsavory section frequented by single gentlemen.

(pictured above right: Joseph looks over the crowd with approval.)

"Since I enjoy sitting and sitting-related activities, I might organize neighbors to donate a bench with a pretty placard," added Joseph.

He looks forward to the next work phase near the Duboce staircase, and would like to see lampposts for night walking. Most neighbors agree this would spoil the organic nature of the City's oldest park, but as a Manhattan transplant our hero is not afraid of light pollution.

(pictured above left: Joseph's future colleagues from the San Francisco Board of Supervisors and Parks & Rec committee)

Baby Surveys Boston

Baby fines a charming town in Boston, including a lush vegetable stand near Quincy Market. Much of Bostons's charms, including the sea side dinner in hot butter sauce, only served as a precursor to Joseph's majestic visit to Newport. The opulent beauty of those homes were perfect for a roaming young dandy like Baby. "Newport, that's what New England really means," he mused over a jamba juice. Passachussetts, that's just the stuff you drive through."

Instantly he changed his resume to say he graduated Summa Laude from Salve Regina.