Baby Frets

In a litany of complaints issued from bed this evening, Baby complained that 1) no one had tucked him into bed, 2) his sleeping lantern hadn't been lit and 3) S&P had downgraded the US AAA credit rating. Herman admired the wide scope of his complaint.

Baby and the Gold Pillows

Joseph beautifies the home. Grabbing his box of fashion tools and large swaths of silk, Baby created two gold chinois pillows that perfectly accentuate his new Macy's couch with flanking chaise lounges. The process took him less than an hour. The room's new statelihood will now stand up to centuries.

Too Much Birthday

The dangers of "Too Much Birthday" are well-documented. The fabled Bernstein Bears grew irritable with an excess of treats and gifts. The Queen's Jubilee in England was exhausting and overdone.

Baby recently suffered this affliction. Not his own birthday, but that partner Herman.

He was heard lamenting his plight as he collapsed into a three-piece Macy's sofa. "Between the trips to French restaurants, French lotion shops, the Scissor Sisters and visiting the perenially hapless Charlie Brown at the Charles Schultz Museum, these dogs are barkin'."

Still, less than seven days later, Baby was spotted at the Mollie Stone's Castro store, choosing Petit Fours at the bakery counter. (Careful readers will note a markedly French theme of indulgence in this post.)

"Don't judge," he said, ducking into a nearby BMW. "These dainty cakes are my way of celebrating Christ's ascension this Easter weekend. Religion is very personal."

Baby Stages Fake Job to Reap Gifts

In the ultimate ruse, Baby pretended to get a new job* in order to receive modest gifts and encouraging calls from friends. Thus far the scammer has enjoyed four congratulatory calls, a balloon/flower combination (right), and a delicious Edible Arrangement (left). He stored both gifts in private locations where others could not impede his gift enjoyment process.

Beware of the Baby scam; he has several "milestones" approaching - his cameo in "Burlesque" with Cher and Christina Aguilera; a birthday that suddenly occurs in October; Pique's Bar Mitzfah; and the publishing of a so-called patent to create mailboxes from homeless people.

*New job was later verified as an actual position with Louis Vuitton, but the general warning above still stands.

Tragically Deluded

After shaving his head this week, Baby found a blonde wig that makes him feel handsome (pictured, left, with Pique and Hermes scarf).

The reason for the head-shaving is still unclear. Baby has alluded to the symbolism of new beginnings, and having fresh hair for his June wedding. Still, the wig provides comfort and warmth as he packs for a trip to NYC this week.

"I daresay this shall be my airplane wig," Baby said to Pique.

Joseph Approves of Park Cermony

Joseph gave his blessing to the Buena Vista Park dedication ceremony, held during a rainy morning in San Francisco.

(pictured right: Joseph with City Supervisor Bevan Dufty)

"As a pillar of the community, I prounounce this dedication to be a new day for the Buena Vista neighborhood," he said. "New trails and erosion controls make the park a joy for walking and contemplation. Though I never donated time or money , I am fully prepared to enjoy the benefits."

(Pictured above left: Joseph with City Treasurer José Cisneros, an appointee of neighborhood resident and Mayor Gavin Newsom)

Joseph was mildly pleased with the resin trails and newly improved eastern staircase, which provides an inviting entrance to a previously unsavory section frequented by single gentlemen.

(pictured above right: Joseph looks over the crowd with approval.)

"Since I enjoy sitting and sitting-related activities, I might organize neighbors to donate a bench with a pretty placard," added Joseph.

He looks forward to the next work phase near the Duboce staircase, and would like to see lampposts for night walking. Most neighbors agree this would spoil the organic nature of the City's oldest park, but as a Manhattan transplant our hero is not afraid of light pollution.

(pictured above left: Joseph's future colleagues from the San Francisco Board of Supervisors and Parks & Rec committee)

Baby Surveys Boston

Baby fines a charming town in Boston, including a lush vegetable stand near Quincy Market. Much of Bostons's charms, including the sea side dinner in hot butter sauce, only served as a precursor to Joseph's majestic visit to Newport. The opulent beauty of those homes were perfect for a roaming young dandy like Baby. "Newport, that's what New England really means," he mused over a jamba juice. Passachussetts, that's just the stuff you drive through."

Instantly he changed his resume to say he graduated Summa Laude from Salve Regina.

Morning Delight

Baby continues to keep Herman guessing in the morning. After emerging from the white, fluffy bedding piled high with 6 billowing pillows, the baby placed his two slender legs on the groud, revealing to the on-looking Herm a fully-robbed Baby -- enshrouded in an ankle-lenght Indian kaftan. 

Any other day the Herm would have seen Baby emerge from bed buck naked, with nothing hiding the goods that God gave him. "I don't know what make me decide that today would be a full kaftan day. "It just felt right," he said, with a sense of purpose.