Herman

My life with Baby

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Pumps for Halloween


Baby is practicing his strut in a pair of new, pink, impossibly high heels that he bought for Halloween today (nevermind the fetish shops he had to visit to find such shoes in a men's size).

He decided to be Kate Moss in honor of her cocaine scandal, and will even sport baby powder on his nostrils for full effect. More than anything, he assures us, he wants the costume to be a tasteful tribute to the fallen model.

Getting used to the shoes, he adds, has not been easy. "These are some mama jamas," he said.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Modeling Job

Baby has plans to work his way into an advertising shoot that he learned will take place in the Meatpacking District later this month. As he doubles up on Pilates and fish oil pills, he is wondering if he should dye his hair brown or light blonde. As always, he welcomes suggestions.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Baby Joins Biblical Group

Earlier this morning Baby decided to accept Jesus and join an Australia-based online Biblical society. They send him regular Bible updates and, one imagines, suggestions for holy living.

"They send me little holy tid-bits in an ultra tacky format," he enthused. While many agree there is no better candidate in need of such influence, some question why he joined an off-shore group.

"He's outsourcing his religion," a friend said.
For more, visit www.biblesociety.com.au.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Baby Advocates a Cowboy Lifestyle

Baby got a new belt today straight from the tanneries of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. While the designer was unable to craft a buckle with Joseph's face emblazoned upon the plate, he was able to find an arrowhead bald eagle to his liking.

"I'm going to be a cowboy," Baby advised. He looks forward to riding horses and herding cows, much like fellow belt lover Jake Gyllenhaal. He is also fast at work on a business plan for cowboy beauty products.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Second Homes

Joseph sounded off on Manhattan parents today, complaining about super-size strollers and their implicit right-of-way on the sidewalk. Why should the urban childless step aside for those who decide to procreate?

"I don't like children," he said. "I like puppies and second homes."