Baby received five pounds of grapes today from Manhattan grocery delivery service Fresh Direct. He thought he was only ordering one pound, but consumed the bunch with zeal and a sense of urgency. When asked by a food logistics analyst, "Are you crazy?", Baby replied, "Crazy for grapes? Why yes, I am."
It was only after eating the five pounds that Baby realized his mistake, and began to worry he'd get "the skitters," as they call the body condition in John Steinback's "Grapes of Wrath" (which Baby is currently reading with his friend, Charlotte). The realization quickly flared his temper.
"It was irresponsible for Fresh Direct to assume that I'd know the difference between one and five pounds of grapes," he said in a prepared, perfumed statement.
Baby warned that, although he didn't want to resort to legal action, he would take Fresh Direct to small claims court "if he had to." He was quick to add that court appearances would make an ideal launching pad for his pop star career in Japan.*
*Baby's agent requests that readers refrain from deconstructing the logic of this last statement.